my breathe seizes to realize the truth within my heart
and so keeps on,
keeps on tying the loose ends, tearing into fibered skins
and stabbing into the flesh of my soul.
i am almost defunct.
You make me the more you annihilate me,
fix me the more you break me,
complete me within and without…wholly.
i cannot help the conflict within me.
i cannot deny myself and walk the opposite way just immediately and smoothly.
how long do i have to use You this way, Lord?
how far do i have to walk in direction A, retrace to B and begin again,
my rehearsed steps and actions only an agonizingly pitiful offbeat song,
almost with no possible ending.
for what is love, if not expressed?
pain, if not to transform?
joy, if the heart knows no day?
and i, if your full sun in me is only exuberating just a painful iota of its goodness?
i love You, i must show it
…And i will